On my daughter's 20th Birthday!

To my precious daughter, Kayla,

Although I wouldn't like to travel back 20 years and relive the experience, your birth was certainly one of the most amazing gifts that God ever gave me! I can still remember being in that hospital room several hours after you were born, holding you. You were so tiny, 6.0 lbs all swaddled tightly, looking so fragile. I felt weak and fragile, too. I was supposed to sleep, since I'd been up all night. But I was too scared to close my eyes. Through tears I prayed that I would have the strength and wisdom that I needed -- just to keep you alive and healthy! But the Lord didn't answer with what I thought I needed. Instead he said, "Will you give her back to me?" I cried harder, tears falling on your cheeks. I didn't want to let you go! I felt fiercely possessive. Then the Lord reassured me, "I can take so much better care of her than you. Do you trust me? Please, give her to me." I knew He was right, though, because He was the one who had created this beautiful baby and knew exactly how to raise her. So through the deepest tears I can remember, I said, "Yes. She is yours." I laid you in the bassinet, and I held my hands open to release you. In that moment my heart was breaking, because I didn't know what that answer would mean ... even whether you would live another day or not. But as I watched you sleeping, my tears subsided and peace rushed in -- giving me a sweet assurance that He had accepted my "yes" and graciously given you back to me - for me to raise for Him. I felt a little like Moses' mother must have felt when she actually got to be her own son's nurse and caretaker. Long story short, it's been a great privilege to be "Kayla's mom". I've had to let go many more times since ... and I expect the hardest times of letting go are still to come. 

Happy Birthday, my precious daughter,and blessings for the best year yet!

PS - No, I don't feel old enough to have a 20 year old daughter - but if we had started having kids right after we got married, I could actually have a 27 year old!  And grandkids!  Now, THAT is scary!