Stuck

I’ve got a serious case of the “stucks.”  My brain isn’t moving into anything productive, creative, or redemptive.   Instead a fog has settled upon me, and like a rat moving in circles around its maze, my brain is whirring randomly.

Lord, help me – lift me from this slimy pit.  In this pit there is no joy or hope, no peace, no revelation.  Darkness falls, and all I crave is a pillow and blanket – comforting companions in which to escape.

I listen to those who are praising and I barely hear their words.  Could it have been only five days ago that I soaked up your presence in worship like a sponge?  Am I now saturated with the gunk of this world to the point that there is no more thirst?

I see my stories ready to edit and I can hardly remember why I wrote them.  Help me Lord to wrest myself from this malaise-drenched marsh before I sink into the pond waters of despondency – the "slough of despond."  (Pilgrim's Progress)

Now is all I have, and it is ebbing away. 

Rescue me, my Savior.  I turn my eyes to you!  Now is all I have to give to you – these rags of compromise embarrass me, and I would turn away, to turn and run, to find a place to hide again, except that a rising desperation is just starting to bubble up.   

Oh, what a wretched daughter I am!  Is there hope for me?  Thanks be to God, said Paul, there is still hope, and that hope is Jesus Christ alone!  May my desperation drive me into his arms rather than farther away.   When I run and fall, may it be to run to him and fall at his feet.

Help me, Lord, to run to you and fall at your feet again.  Break me free from the miry malaise that sucks at my feet and keeps me from moving toward you.

As David commanded his own soul, so I tell myself:  Sing and bless the Lord, my soul.  Do not delay. 

Later:

A remedy - sing aloud, even when not feeling it; play outside with kids and dog; re-teach cartwheels; hold a baby; help 12 year old make Australian bread, but don't help too much; listen to teen daughters sing.

I do feel a little better.  Not quite inspired yet.  But hopeful.

Now is all I have, so I won't worry about the wasted minutes that have passed.  I choose to grab hold of  now ... oh, and return that phone call from yesterday first :).