Stuck

I’ve got a serious case of the “stucks.”  My brain isn’t moving into anything productive, creative, or redemptive.   Instead a fog has settled upon me, and like a rat moving in circles around its maze, my brain is whirring randomly.

Lord, help me – lift me from this slimy pit.  In this pit there is no joy or hope, no peace, no revelation.  Darkness falls, and all I crave is a pillow and blanket – comforting companions in which to escape.

I listen to those who are praising and I barely hear their words.  Could it have been only five days ago that I soaked up your presence in worship like a sponge?  Am I now saturated with the gunk of this world to the point that there is no more thirst?

I see my stories ready to edit and I can hardly remember why I wrote them.  Help me Lord to wrest myself from this malaise-drenched marsh before I sink into the pond waters of despondency – the "slough of despond."  (Pilgrim's Progress)

Now is all I have, and it is ebbing away. 

Rescue me, my Savior.  I turn my eyes to you!  Now is all I have to give to you – these rags of compromise embarrass me, and I would turn away, to turn and run, to find a place to hide again, except that a rising desperation is just starting to bubble up.   

Oh, what a wretched daughter I am!  Is there hope for me?  Thanks be to God, said Paul, there is still hope, and that hope is Jesus Christ alone!  May my desperation drive me into his arms rather than farther away.   When I run and fall, may it be to run to him and fall at his feet.

Help me, Lord, to run to you and fall at your feet again.  Break me free from the miry malaise that sucks at my feet and keeps me from moving toward you.

As David commanded his own soul, so I tell myself:  Sing and bless the Lord, my soul.  Do not delay. 

Later:

A remedy - sing aloud, even when not feeling it; play outside with kids and dog; re-teach cartwheels; hold a baby; help 12 year old make Australian bread, but don't help too much; listen to teen daughters sing.

I do feel a little better.  Not quite inspired yet.  But hopeful.

Now is all I have, so I won't worry about the wasted minutes that have passed.  I choose to grab hold of  now ... oh, and return that phone call from yesterday first :).

Mary Said Yes

An angel came to Mary and told her the most amazing, scary thing, beyond anything she could imagine.  She would give birth to a child, even though she wasn't married yet.  Not just any child -- God’s child.  And he would be her savior -- everyone’s savior.

I can’t imagine the thoughts that went through Mary’s mind – a dozen reasons to say, “No, you've got the wrong girl.”

But she didn't.  Instead she said, “Yes.  Let it be done to me according to your word.”

Am I like Mary?  In many ways, no, I could never be, and it is unlikely that an angel will appear to me, but ….  What will I say when the Lord calls me to the next seemingly impossible thing?  Is my heart still filled with “Yes?”

Years ago the Lord planted the seeds of “yes” in my heart: hope-filled seeds, bursting with crazy trust -- that God’s ways are higher and infinitely better than mine.

So when the Lord prompted us to adopt from China the first time, we pressed past our own fears and the warnings from people around us, and we said, “Yes.”  And we were blessed with beautiful Li Jiang.

A couple years later when God whispered, “Bring  your children home from school and school them at home,” I thought, “Lord, you must be kidding!”  But we prayed long and hard and pressed past our own fears and doubts and said, “Yes, we trust you, Lord,  that you know better than we do.”

And a couple years after that, when God nudged us in the direction of another adoption from China, how could we say, “No?”  And we were blessed with bright and funny Hui Lan.

But we didn't think then that we’d return to China just three years later to bring home an 8 year old orphan, our amazing Mei Xiang, making us a family of seven – five beautiful daughters, each one unique.

We are fully blessed – though sometimes hard pressed to see beyond the daily challenges, still rejoicing each time we realize the enormity of this call to equip our five lovely ladies for loving and serving their King.

At times the thought has crossed my mind, what if we had said, “No” to these things?

What if Mary had said “no thank you” to the angel’s invitation?  Would God have simply found another  young woman?   Would Mary have regretted her choice?  Did she ever regret saying yes? 

If I had said “no,” my life could possibly be very different.  By saying “no” I could have earned a lot more money, and we could now live in a larger home like the ones we walk by -- vaulted ceilings, 5000 square feet, large bay windows, perfectly landscaped, and inside our furniture would be classy and comfortable, without scratches.  Our cars would be new and shiny.  And our two daughters could have the best of everything and attend the college of their choice. 

 

            If only I’d have said “no,” possibly my writing career would have blossomed and I’d be a sought-after speaker, traveling the country, with my photo in magazines and catalogues.

            But I couldn't say “no.”

            “Yes” became the only logical response to a Father above who holds all the good and perfect gifts – and his good and perfect gifts surround us now.  Five lovely ladies, learning together, living life together, each learning to love and learning to love learning, and learning about …….LIFE.

            I know that I learn almost as much as they do as we explore the world, mostly from the comfort of our own simple home.  We study science, math, and grammar, and we investigate explorers and missionaries who were brave enough to say yes.  We find out how they changed the world and consider how things might have been different if they had said no.

I could have said “no”  In fact, I was inclined to do so.  I could have simply ignored the invitation.  “No.  Adoption is too risky.  And where will we get the money to do it?”  I could have come up with 100 legitimate excuses.  “No.  Homeschooling is too hard.  Plus, I have a career (or two) to pursue.”

            But I said “yes,” not once, but many times.  And that has made all the difference.

Let it be done to me according to your word… Mary said.

Today we have to tell our kids over and over again…  Just say NO.

Say NO to drugs.  Say NO to inappropriate relationships.  Say NO to certain movies, books, and more.

But I think the harder lesson to teach them is …. Just say YES.  Say “YES to all he has for you.  Say “YES” to his call.  Say “YES” when it seems too hard.

For in saying YES … like Mary, like Abraham, like JESUS himself … That is where we receive the good and perfect gifts of life  … the fullness of this life .. the joy set before us!

As we approach another Christmas season, I hope that somehow these words will ring louder than the bells and whistles around us:

 “Yes, Lord!  Let it be done unto ME according to your word!”

Dancing with my Lord

This morning at a women’s retreat called Transforming Love, the Lord treated me to a new perspective on dancing with him.  I was eight years old, standing barefoot on the beach, and Jesus approached, ready to dance.   Being only eight, I didn't know anything about how to dance, but the wonder of being only eight, is that it is so easy to just do it.   My adult mind, however, was a little hesitant to simply enjoy the experience.

Here are the Lord’s words to me during that time:    

“Learn the dance from me by dancing with Me.  It’s a joy to dance with you, child.  Don’t worry about getting the steps right.  Just put your feet on my feet and learn of me.  I am gentle; I am humble enough to meet you right where you are.  You don’t need to feel stressed or inadequate.  This is  fun!  In this dance, together we embody fullness of joy, right here, without thought of other dancers who seem to be further ahead.  Your little feet on mine are so pleasing to me.  Your feet are not too heavy for me; you are in no way a burden.  I am not longing for you to grow up and get over this stage.  Just enjoy me right where you are.”

Remember, with each new dance, don’t try to get it right before you move in that dance with me.  Just put your feet on top of mine, look me straight in the eye, and feel the strength – my gentle, firm embrace – holding you, guiding you.

Why not, Lord?

Today is a difficult day for most of us.    Even as I held my children close this morning, holding back tears as I thought of the days of darkness and storm that seem inevitable... that their futures are so much different than what we know now ... I was encouraged that our hope is in Christ alone, and that God's power extends throughout the universe.  

Perhaps some of this perspective will help...

For those who don't have time to read this all, I am copying and pasting the prayer from the bottom here:

Lord, calm my heart right now, and help me to realize that dependence on You, and great awareness of my dependence on You, is a better place to be – the best place to be - better than the comfort of an election won.  Help me to embrace the reality of the times in which we live with eager anticipation of the revelation of your power and glory in the midst of the darkness.   May my hope be found in you alone!

--------------------------------

Why not, Lord?

I spent a lot of time over the past few days (and weeks) asking the Lord for mercy and crying out for leaders to be elected who stood for life and righteousness.  When God doesn't answer our prayers, then what?

Yesterday as I prayed in the early evening hours, prior to any polls closing, the Lord whispered to me, “You know, you don’t deserve it.”  I knew right away what he meant.  America did not deserve a president who would stand for life and morality.  Outside of pockets of praying Christians, there had really been very little in the way of repentance and turning from our wicked ways.  America had not humbled herself and prayed as the Lord requires.  

Now, at that moment, when the Lord said, “You don’t deserve it,” I still held onto hope.  After all, God sometimes graces us with the blessings we do not deserve.

But I was starting to get the picture, and the following became clear through the watches of the night (for though I went to sleep not knowing the result – in fact knowing only that it was a close race -- my spirit knew then what was to come and began a dialogue with the Lord.)

These are my thoughts from the watches of the night:

First, I realized as I was falling asleep that we live in an America that is much, much different than the picture I have had in my head as I prayed.  The people are much more interested in their own individual agendas (particularly comfort and entertainment)  than they are in being “one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”   For the most part, this America cares little about life and morality and is oblivious to the erosion of our freedoms.  While I have refused to acknowledge it, this nation is under a strong delusion that it does not need God and that holiness and righteousness are irrelevant.  (Ok, I admit it: my picture of America was naïve – a product of spending very little time watching news or tv or movies… but I really liked my picture and it is hard to give it up.)

Second, while this election result naturally makes our hearts mourn, at the same time the result reveals a bigger picture of the times in which we live – a picture that should make our hearts rejoice with anticipation.  We naturally mourn the “could have been,” –  the four years of turning our nation in a more positive direction that we could have had with Romney as President – there is another, more far-reaching agenda here – moving toward the return of our Lord Jesus.   Our hearts should rejoice because the times are closer than we thought.  Of course we don’t have to like these times, because they aren’t going to be easy … but at least we can comfort ourselves that these times are one more sign that the returning of our Lord and Savior is nearer than ever before.

            (Yesterday while we were praying for God to give us a righteous leader, we had a quiet time of prayer in which Grace (age 12) received a picture from the Lord.  In this picture there were many brides, trying on dresses and getting ready for a wedding and she knew that they represented the bride of Christ.  Then, she saw Jesus, the bridegroom, and he was already dressed and ready for the wedding; in fact, he was eager for the wedding!)

The Spirit and the bride say, “Come!  Come, Lord Jesus!”

Third, I was reminded that the plans of the Lord cannot be thwarted.  “All these things must happen, and then the end will come.”  I believe that there was a plan A that we could have embraced but have - as a nation- refused.  However,  God's plan B, though harder, will make us stronger.  The reality is that this is good, because we will need to develop that strength more and more, the closer we come to the end times.  The tough times that will result from the next four years will strengthen us in many ways, if we are willing to turn our hearts to the Lord in prayer and surrender to his ways.  

Yes, this result will be hard, but hard will be good for us.   Even though we can hope in our hearts that things won’t be too bad, the reality is that they will go from bad to worse.  We must prepare ourselves.  But we should not be discouraged because being prepared is the right thing for this season – the times in which we live.  If Romney had won, the times would have only been delayed, not avoided – which is clear from the Word.   

Before the election, when I thought about the tough times coming if Obama won, I did realize that it would make us more dependent on God, and I knew that result, alone, might be the deciding factor.  But now that it is reality, I don’t like it one bit.  Right now I am working on calming my heart to admit that dependence on God, and great awareness of my dependence on Him, is a better place to be – the best place to be.

Likewise, our focus on the Lord will be stronger because of the times that are coming as a result of this election, too.  The Lord is longing for a pure and spotless bride who is making herself ready for the wedding supper of the lamb, and this election, and its result, is just one more way to keep the bride focused in this hour.   Before the election I kept thinking, “After the election I will still pray …,” but I realized that if we elected Romney, the temptation would be very strong to slip into self-reliance as a nation rather than realizing our great dependence on God, and continuing to cry out to God for help.

Another thing that became clear through the watches of the night is that this result is actually a blessing in ways that we cannot know - that this result has actually kept us from perils of death and destruction.  While the people of this nation who have voted to keep a president like Barak Obama are, in large part, a people who are innocent in the sense that they don’t know any better (their eyes don’t see the kingdom reality), there are also some people who support Obama who would have done things that could have made our lives in America nightmarish if the election had gone the other way.  In the middle of the night I heard these words, “This result was the only way to keep Mitt Romney alive.”  (Apparently, this was more of a true threat than I realized.)

In the end, the result of this election is for our protection, not just avoiding extreme civil unrest, but also that that the church will have no choice, as this presidency continues, but to cry out to God for mercy – so that we will put our hope in Jesus alone.   If we had elected Romney, we might have put our hope in Romney and the government.  This way we are going to have to be very dependent on God. This result will help us all to mean it when we sing, “My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness.  I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus’ name.”  See song below and in the next post.

“In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm."

Lord, calm my heart right now, and help me to realize that dependence on You, and great awareness of my dependence on You, is a better place to be – the best place to be - better than the comfort of an election won.  Help me to embrace the reality of the times in which we live with eager anticipation of the revelation of your power and glory in the midst of the darkness.   May my hope be found in you alone!

We also pray for President Obama, who now has a second chance.  We pray for his salvation - soon! - and for the turning of his heart toward life and righteousness.   Lord, you are the God of second chances and transformation -- and with You all things are possible.  Let it be!

Where is my hope?

"My Hope is Built on Nothing Less"
by Edward Mote, 1797-1874

1. My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus' name.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

2. When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

3. His oath, His covenant, and blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When every earthly prop gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

4. When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found,
Clothed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne!
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

Orphan Sunday

On November 4th, 2012, thousands of events echo across America and around the globe, all sharing a single goal: that God’s great love for the orphan will find echo in our lives as well. http://orphansunday.org/about/

Today at church we spent an hour praying for orphans and the abandoned children around the world, as well as those who are called to adopt and foster them.  We also had an announcement of a ministry within our church that we (as a church) are starting a separate ministry to orphans, adoptive families, and foster-care families (our church is relatively young - but we are packed with families who have adopted and/or are fostering children!).

Through prayer we have seen miracles in adoption -- many families have adopted when they thought they would not be able to do so, and children have come into families when it seemed the child had no hope of the adoption coming to completion.  

Just last night we attended a fundraising event where we were introduced to dozens of internationally adopted children who have found love and security in American families.  They came from many different nations -- and all were so  uniquely beautiful (handsome, cute, adorable) that we were overwhelmed.  How blessed we are to live in a country where international adoption is encouraged and supported!  How blessed to live in a community where it is celebrated!!

May we all continue to pray that more orphans will find their forever families and that more families will be blessed with the gift of a new family member to love!

America…

Hope is found only in you, Jesus.  Lead us and guide us into your truth and your life.  Shine your brilliant light and help us to see the way that you have ordained for us.   Between now and Tuesday, open all believers eyes and hearts to understand the urgency of the hour and the critical decision before them.  Bring light to eyes that are dim.  May fear no longer be a motivator … for perfect love casts out all fear. 

Fill our hearts with your love, Lord.  Love for the unwanted, the orphans and the widows.  May your people return to the call to be your hands and feet, to help those whose voices cannot be heard above the din of arguments.  Move on the hearts of your people with the spirit of adoption – to embrace the lonely and unwanted.  May we realistically assess the role of government and appoint leaders who can lead strongly from a place of moral right – and embrace our own responsibility to help the poor.

Turn our eyes from the worthless things to embrace YOU as the HOPE of AMERICA.  May a nation turn its eyes to YOU today and tomorrow and this coming week.  Shine your favor on those who will take us in the direction of life and true hope - found in You.   May it be said of America that we have chosen life, so that we may live.  May even those who have looked elsewhere for hope completely turn around and embrace life and hope in you, even in this election. 

Shine with favor and honor on those who embrace that which you embrace, Lord.

Your Kingdom come, your will be done, on earth (here in America) as it is in heaven.